By Dr. Kluane Spake 

You Might NOT Actually be Part of the Arising Third Day Church - if...

You really believe they drank Welch's grape juice at the Wedding in Cana.

Your love to sing about being the wretch in "Amazing Grace"

Your definition of “fellowship” always involves cake and ice-cream (well maybe that one is true)

You still practice daily hopping so that you won’t miss the Great Escape.

You pray and prophecy only in King James English.

You rigidly hold onto old paradigms rather than “move with the Cloud” of present Truth.

You think worship is only music.

All your songs are endless, endlessssssssssssly slow, never endddding songs…

You set aside all discernment, in trade for what you hope is revival.

You settle on being poor and sick in order to be more “spiritual.”

You think the Saints Movement means that all leadership is wrong, bad, ignorant, and replaceable.

You believe that powerful prayers are only effective when screaming.

You think the devil is actually to blame for all your unfortunate circumstances and bad choices.

You practice Spiritual Warfare – which means that YOU must SHOUT until the Devil is defeated (even though that defeat was what Jesus already accomplished)! 

You are more concerned with the continuous self-preoccupation of dying to self rather than Rising to the Newness of LIFE and bringing forth Abundant LIFE!

You think that great sermons are always long, loud, sweaty, and super-hyped up!

You think God's presence only manifests as mystic, weird, and super-spiritual.

You teach that “The secret of success in God” is to always get totally “wacked out” in the Spirit!

You eat pizza and wake up knowing for sure that you are called to preach.